Cupidvice !

Its almost valentine's day. You know, the day of celebrating love, and showing the person you LOVE just how much you care about them by buying them chocolates, or a dildo, or if you're lucky, a chocolate dildo. So, without any further ado, here is my guide for all ya single bois out there who are gonna go out trolling for trade and looking for 'luuurve' in all the wrong dark spaces.

1. Whatever you do, have some dignity. Don't dress up head to toe all in leather, or all in red, or both. Trying to attract attention to yourself in this way only means one thing, you're the most desperate.

2. Find another single friend to go out with, and make sure he has more problems picking up guys than you. One of two scenarios will occur, said friend might manage to pull and you can use that as an encouraging sign (if Poindexter can pull tonight, how hard can it be'). Or said friend will fail and be miserable for the entire night, and misery loves company. Its win win.

3. Don't spend the entire night on your hands and knees in the darkroom and then bitch to everyone the next morning about how you can never find true love.


4. Make sure you keep your phone turned off for the night, and for the love of Cupid, don't text your ex-boyfriend / great one-time shag / stalkee at 2 AM with your message of undying love for them. Especially if you did the exact same thing to them on Christmas Day. People talk.

5. Throw away that Celine Dion CD, last thing you wanna hear when you get home is La Dion wailing about being all by herself.