Saturday, December 04, 2004

Saturday Morning Musings

Well, this has been a horrendous week in all senses of the word. I felt a bit lost this week, like I lost a part of me and had no idea where to look for it. It hit me this morning, what I lost is my optimism, my belief that 'everything will turn out ok in the end'.

It won't necessarily be ok, there are tough choices to be made and not everyone will end up happy in the end. Sooner or later I will walk away from my family and become even more distant than I am now. Its for the best. It will be less hurtful to them than if I stayed close to them, because I can't, my personal life is something they will never be able to tolerate or understand. And now, well, now I am just starting to feel hope again. Hope for what I am not sure, but I know that my life isn't as gloomy as I make it out to be, and I have the support of my friends who love me. All I want is to be embraced and hugged and told that everything is going to be ok. And in due time I'll start to believe it again, because thats my nature and that is what I have to do.


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