Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Past and future

Just returned home over the weekend. I chose to go out the night of my arrival, just because I didn't want to deal with the emotional fall-out from my trip. I also wanted to see my friends, and I was really happy to see them. There was something different about me, I'm not sure if they noticed. I was just completely drained, but I decided to avoid that and party straight for a couple of days. Last night it finally hit me. I am moving away from people that I love, and I can't have it both ways. And so I cried. I cried, and cried and let it all out, in front of the only person who can bear it, my brother. And now I feel better, because I had to do it. I had to let the emotions flow through me, and I had to feel horrible and feel a sense of loss. In a way, my family lost me this visit, they lost their wholesome image of me, and I know that they are disappointed because they think they have failed in the way they raised me. I can't help that they feel that way, but its not something that I'm happy about. So now its looking to the future, and trying to move on from the past. Wish me luck.


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