Monday, November 14, 2005

Last Night.

Its early Sunday evening, I walk into South Central full of hope and expectation. Tonight will be a good night, I can feel it in my bones, I can sense it with every stride towards the bar. I walk in and see my friends are already at the bar, its looking good, I already have friends there and I will sit and have a quiet couple of drinks before the masses arrive and the place goes a bit mental. I am thinking that I love this bar, and I love the atmosphere, and the bar-staff always smile and ask me how I am. And each one of my friends is having a nice time and its all going great so far. And then I see him. I spot him from across the bar. And man, is he cute, and he’s smiling at me. And he seems familiar, but I can’t really tell who he is because of the baseball cap, but I think its makes him look even hotter. Look he’s sitting with someone I know, and that annoys me for some reason. I ignore it and drink some more, and I do more than just drink, and that’s putting me in an even better mood.

And my best friend arrives, and we have fun. And we joke about silly things, because that’s what makes us good friends, the fact that we can laugh about everything together. And we talk about our favorite couple who've been together for 15 years and how one of these days we'll find that, because they inspire us. And the dancefloor is empty, but its Diana Ross, and she’s finding out who the Boss is and I wanna join her cause its MY SONG, so I dance by myself, not a care in the world. I start remembering Seve playing it just for me on my birthday, which makes me feel nice and special again. And he’s looking at me dancing from afar, and I catch him smiling. And he’s a bit high just like me, I can tell. The night wears on, and the dancefloor is now on, but Diana is still around as the dj is just loving her tonight, so we are dancing to the Supremes. Finally we say hello, and he’s telling me we’ve met the weekend before at another club. And I’m starting to remember while he’s already telling me things about myself I didn’t realize I’ve already told him. I’m impressed he remembers, and that I made an impression. He’s photographer, I’ve always had a thing for photographers. Some fantasy about being his muse, because I am just so cute and I inspire him, and that will somehow make me feel special. Back to reality, I have to get back to reality.

Then I remember that he just got to London, and he’s probably sowing all his wild oats at the minute, and I don’t want to be one of those guys that pounce on a guy just because he’s fresh meat. And I really like him too, he’s interesting and funny and drop dead gorgeous, and I can tell from his body language that he thinks I’m not so bad either. He keeps touching and flirting, and I wanna kiss him, all I wanna do is kiss him and lose myself in his arms. But all my friends are around, and man why can’t they just go back to the bar, I feel too exposed. And he’s new in town, fresh meat, I’ll feel lousy. And so I don’t kiss him, I give him a peck and go to the toilet.

I come back and he’s gone. I don’t see him for a couple of hours, but I’m having a good time anyway. I see him by the bar, and give him my number. And he tells me he lives just down the street from me. I’m thinking how perfect is this, no one lives close to me. But I go and ruin it and tell him it’d be nice to get to know him as a friend. I say this because I’m a nice guy, I don’t want him to think I’m after him because he’s new. I also say this to protect myself because deep down I still think I probably don’t deserve this kind of passion and happiness in my life. After all this time, and all of my confidence building up, and I still get scared. I also say because its true, I really wanna get to know him. I also want to kiss him and we peck, but its not a long kiss, but its good enough but I can tell he’s disappointed. My friend wants to go on to Marvellous but its too early but I decide to go with him. Because of him, because I don’t want to see him kiss anyone else tonight, that would be too much.

So I leave, and I am exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. I get to Marvellous and Madonna comes on and I dance and drink and I forget about him for a while. And I get home, and I am in bed, wishing he was there.

Why didn’t I just kiss him?


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